Script- Draft 2

Script

Introduction- present day

• There is no dialogue in this scene, as the voice over is going to be used just in the past narrative scenes to emphasize that the events that have already happened are being told from the perspective of the present.

 

‘The Shock’- In the past

• ‘All it took was that phone call…’
• ‘The everything turned empty’

‘The Black Hole’

• ‘Then I felt too much’
• ‘I was falling down a pit’
• ‘But I couldn’t help myself’

‘The climb’

• ‘But my family helped me’
• ‘They lifted me up'

‘The acceptance’

• ‘I found purpose again’

This second draft of the script has over 400 less words than the previous draft. I chose to reduce the word count in response to the feedback I received from the short film tutor at the college who told me that simplicity is best when it comes to voice over, as too much voice over can distract the audience from the visuals and less likely to relate to the story in front of them.

The choice to go from exaggerated metaphorical language to simple language was a design change that I felt was appropriate in terms of communicating my story with grief, because the simple language adds a sense of subtlety to the piece and subtlety is more appropriate in tone compared to an over the top tone that lacks any feeling of emotional reservation that people have when thinking or discussing grief.

The point of the voiceover is to act as a tool for giving a small bit of commentary on the story so that the audience understand the outline of the story but not too much that they don't need to see the visuals to experience everything. The goal of the visuals is to communicate the binary opposite, positive and negative tones, whilst also revealing more depth of the story that the voice over can not.

At this stage in the project, to allow for everything to be completed, simplicity is the key more than ever and that means that every shot needs to have a strong purpose and every editing decision has to connote a strong sense of negative and positive tones that are explored along the plot.